Your Dwelling Evil by Myst

Rating: PG13
Genres: Angst, Drama
Relationships: Harry & Hermione
Book: Harry & Hermione, Books 1 - 4
Published: 11/10/2004
Last Updated: 25/10/2004
Status: Completed

Don’t blame yourself for this; it was him that caused all of this, not you. Never forget that.
You are the medicine that is helping me cure myself, making everyday better then the last. I no
longer sigh at the prospect of another day, I see the sun out and shining and a smile spreads
across my face. Thankyou.... Thankyou for making my life something that I now want to live for.
Thankyou for being my drug. Loosely based on angel_of_fire’s challange, The Young and the
Abused!




1. You Hide Behind a Mask...
----------------------------



**A/N:** Okay this is loosely based around angel_of_fire's challenge, The Young and the
Abused! This is very different from my other fic, TRRTHAITWIS (TRR for short). This is much more
dark and emotional. It deals with a subject that most of us know of. This is something that should
not be taken lightly; it is a real deep matter. There is an undertone of a rape tone in here. I
have had it approved by PK mods, and it is quite mild, it is just mixed in there. But if you are
uncomfortable with it then I hope you will read some of my other work, but I understand that you
might not want to read this.

**Disclamer:** All of this stuff belongs to JKR. If I did own it (and I don't) the world
would come to and end. So please don't sue me, this is just my take on things!

Big hugs and snogs to Angel for beta'ing!

Oh, just to clear this is before I start..... **You**. There is someone in this fic called
*You*. You is unnamed, he does not have a face. He may be who ever you want him to be, he is
not Ron, nor anyone that we know of. You choose who you want him to be. Okay. I love Ron to death,
and I know others of you do too, so *You* is **NOT** Ron. Thanks.

Oh and I think **He** is pretty obvious as to who it is. This is a dairy/thing from
Hermione's point of view.

Enjoy!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Each one is different, unique, and special. They all have reason behind them, logic, and their
own story to tell. After their birth each and every one of them has been showered with love, and
then shielded from the rest of the world. Words of forgiveness have been pointed at me; all the
same, all of them lies.

When those `love spots' brush against something the pain is nothing compared to what you do.
Being touched by your callous fingers, hurts. Having them run over my skin as you do what you
please is pure torture. My body goes cold at the though of it, my skin prickles when you are near.
It knows what is coming; it remembers what happened last time.

I can't run. I am bound in place by unwanted chains; freedom is a thing of the past. Freedom
and innocence no longer dwells around me. They vaporized when you came along. I want them back, I
want my sanity back.

You love this, the feeling of power, control. It's what you live on, as soon as it
disappears you are no longer here. Evil doesn't describe you. It makes you sound like a tender
loving being. Like you even cared.

You love planting lies in my head. Making me think that this is for my own good. That this is
all because you care. You say that all of this has been brewed from you love for me. It's all
untrue. You never loved me, your sick and twisted mind found comfort in my body, in knowing I was
helpless. You found pleasure in knowing that part of you was surging through me, pleasure in
knowing I had been violated and broken. Your needs would come before mine. You knew that if you
completely neglected me he would notice. And he would do something about it.

He. You know who he is. You always know that you and I could never be true. The two of us are so
different. You crave power and came to me with lust. I, I crave freedom; I am searching for an
angel, my angel. Opposites don't attract, they don't work. Opposites create danger, create
death. You knew all this but still your lust overpowered your brain, keeping me for yourself while
another sweet man is lost, waiting for me. Love drew myself and him together; but you spit upon
love, love haunts your thoughts.

They are memories now. Memories that, everyday, drove me a little bit more insane. Memories that
urge me to plot my escape everyday. And when I do go, you find me and punish me, punish
*us**.* Punish the evil that you placed and that blossoms inside me.

I ran today. Left you for a few minutes of peace from all this. As always you knew and punished
me when you found me. But this time your punishment went too far. My body has been stretched to its
limits. You know you need to get help for me, or else you will be uncovered.

For once I feel comfortable. In my rousing sleep I start to hear voices. Your's is there,
fighting to stay above the others. It takes me a moment to realize that there is only one other
voice, his. It's too hard to try and understand what he is saying, but I know you don't
like it, and I know it's about me. When I've mustered the energy to open my eyes, white
light is everywhere and I know you must have found help for me. Then I think I'm in heaven, he
is standing there watching me, fear, anger, compassion and love coursing through his eyes. He
throws himself towards me and I flinch, thinking I must have done wrong. He never missed it and
stops to look at me, confusion filling his beautiful green eyes. I feel rage bursting out of your
body as his lips brush against my cheek.

My sanctuary quickly fades as you fly at me, your hand outstretched, ready to hit me. He has
stepped back from the bed, surprised at your action. So I take a chance, I run. The halls fly past
me and I hear his heavy footsteps thundering behind me. Yours closely followed. My brown curls fly
behind me, while by body is aching and begging me to stop. When I take another look ahead I see two
men, standing there to block my path and stop me. And I freeze and drop to the ground. Tears and
screams rattle by body and I notice my arms aren't covered. The material that covered my shame,
my disobedience, was gone. I was naked, left for the world to see. And nobody cared.

His arms come around me, slowly, as if he were afraid I might collapse into another fit. But my
tears are gone, and I am left cold, feeling unwanted. I love his arms; they are gentle but strong
at the same time. I feel his glasses press against the back of my head, as he begins to mumble
words into my ear. His voice has always soothed me. I don't want to fight and go away. I feel
his warmth leave me as he gets up and faces you. I do not know what happened next as blackness once
again swallowed me.

~~~

When my eyes are open I see that he has gone. It's just you and I. Fear swells up within me,
I want to know what you have done to him. You get up and have a go at me, not knowing about the
tiny soul inside me that you are harming. I decide you can't know yet, my body is not ready for
yet another punishment.

I know what happened. I can feel it in the air around me. And I want to thank you for not making
it harder then it is. You knew this was coming, when faced with it you would cower, but then parade
around like it was nothing. No one can outsmart him, not even you. He knew you were the source of
my dreams, the reason I would wake up oiled in sweat. I once thought I knew who you were, but then
you smiled and the world came crashing. You never lived; you were covered with a face and given a
script. I know you can never live now; he had gotten you to fade. You will never leave completely;
I have got fresh markings drilled into my skin to show your existence. But for now you are gone,
buried deep and stored away. He has done what I have longed to have done, but have never been able
to do.

He is the reason behind my living. He took my nightmares away. He is my nirvana, and he is my
saviour. But most important of all, he locked you away beneath the ground, and you will never be
able to hurt me again. He is my Harry, he is also my angel, special, unique.

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2. Important Author Note!
-------------------------



I can see that all of you are confused. So I will clear a few things up.

*~~~Oh, just to clear this is before I start.....* **You***. There is someone in this
fic called* *You**. You is unnamed, he does not have a face. He may be who ever you want
him to be, he is not Ron, nor anyone that we know of. You choose who you want him to be. Okay. I
love Ron to death, and I know others of you do too, so* *You* *is* **NOT** *Ron.
Thanks.*

*Oh and I think* **He** *is pretty obvious as to who it is. This is a dairy/thing
from* **Hermione's** *point of view. ~~~*

Did you read that?

Because that explains a few things.

I am going to write another chapter to try and explain things, in story format.

Oh and please don't except lots of lovely-dovey scenes. This is not what this story is
about.

Thanks for reading and reviewing!

-Myst

Ps. As to what happened to `the abuser', well think very hard about what *`**But most
important of all, he locked you away beneath the ground'* normally means.

Another chapter will be coming your way in a few days!!

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3. You Are My Drug
------------------



Thanks for all the reviews for the last chapter! Okay, here is the second chapter. Sorry for the
wait, I was taking a vacation in Bali!! Yayness. I know this is short, but its just here to wrap
everything up. While writing this I listened to any music by Evanescence. I think it really helps
sets the mood for it all. Try it!

Snogs go out to Angelpi for betaing! I would love to know what you think about this. Enjoy!

Chap 2: You Are My Drug

*****************************************************

He, my angel, took me, and kept me in a safe place. Away from the prying eyes of the world and
into his heart. He took me away from you. He was my medicine for so long, and still is my drug,
keeping me sane.

You. You are still around, in my mind. You will never leave, will you? You are going to keep on
haunting me. Keep on disturbing my sleep and reminding me what the scars on my body mean. It seems
your sprit still lusts after me. But could you please go away. Can't you leave me in peace for
one minute?

You are still alive, to me you are. People say that you still live on only in my head, but he
knows that that is not true. We both know that you are still here, slipping through the air,
following me. I once thought that he had put you to rest, but now I know that is not true. Even
after he buried your corps underneath the ground you rose through the dirt, searching for me,
seeking me out. Your sprit will never rest, no matter how hard I try. So I will keep on with my
drug, as long as he will have me.

I can't believe I lived for so long without him. But now that I think about it, I never
lived with you. I was your servant, following you around and letting you do what you please. But
with him, I am an equal. I am never told what to do, never forced to do anything without my
consent.

When it first started I was afraid, you had always taken away my freedom, locking it up and
storing it in a far away place. But when he gave me this new thing I had never felt better. It was
something that almost measured up to his sweet action of a kiss on my cheek. But nothing could ever
be that good, nothing was. Until I discovered more.

He is my drug, and he is my angel, and I am addicted.

My angel, I like the sound of that. You know him, he took me from you before you stole the rest
of my life away. He found the key to the chains you had forced upon me, then he walked me up the
road to his heart. He and I have something the two of us never had. Hope, love, a future? It could
be all of those or it could be none. I, just like you, were given a script, and I read off it like
a good little girl. Never once thinking about what I was saying. Thankfully he didn't miss his
queue and walked in at the right time.

He really is my angel, golden in so many ways. With his beautiful green eyes and a heart that
could fill the world. I look forward to discovering even more of the love him and I share. A love
that pulled me away from you just in time.

I never told you I once had the beginnings of your babe in my weak body did I? That thing is
gone now. It seems everything you touch turns to ice. That thing was a part of you, so I added heat
to melt it away. It went away; to where, I don't know.

***

He and I made love yesterday. Like real love. That's when I finally found out what those
funny feelings where in the pit of my stomach. We didn't just have sex, or a quick shag. We
made actual love, with emotions and everything.

He taught me something. That emotions really do matter. That's not what you said, you said
emotions would just mix things up, confuse you. But that was just another one of your lies that you
wrote down and told me to memorize. He said they make things clearer, real. I believe him, because
I know love radiates off me when I'm near him. I know that that feeling in my stomach is
love.

***

I was a foolish school girl that day and I never really thought about what I did. People might
say it's his fault. But I wanted to do that. So I must take full responsibility for my actions.
That's what you would make me do.

The medi-witch was amazed at how calm and quite I was during labor. But she doesn't know
real pain, like the pain you gave me. So I pushed all those images away, and focused on what was
happening, focused on anything that wasn't about you. It was a miracle this was happening, and
I intended to enjoy every minute of it. Hours later I held a newborn babe in my arms, screaming
while its lungs pulled in air. It didn't matter she was screaming, she was alive and well, and
in my arms.

He sat next to me, tears brimming his eyes as he watched his daughter in my arms. She was not
poisoned with bits of you. She was pure and clean. But most of all, she was a special part of him
and I.

***

Why are your dreams retreating? Are you finished with me now? Can I believe you are now just a
nightmare? You are just a sprit, no longer in the realm of living.

His gift was a home.

Your gift was my freedom.

Her gift was my sanity.

They are my angles, and you are the devil. I know who won in this battle, do you?

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